Seinfeld Beard Syndrome

One of the classic episodes of Seinfeld is when Jerry decides to have a threesome. He gets everything set up, he's on the brink of going through with it, and at the last minute he backs out. Why? Because he doesn't want to be "that guy". He says if he goes through with it, then he'll have to grow a pencil mustache, wear a robe around the house all day, keep massage oils on the bedside table, and he just doesn't want to go there. 

Many men have a similar feeling about growing a Beard. If I grow a Beard, the sentiment goes, I'll have to spend time and energy maintaining it, I'll have to groom it, put oils in it, I'll have to wear flannel shirts...it all seems like more hassle than a lot of guys want to deal with. It's true, having a Beard does come with some inherent maintenance. Unless, that is, you're OK being like I was several years ago when I grew a Beard and spent zero time maintaining it. The reaction from my mother, who hadn't seen me in some time, made me rethink my effort. "You look like a cross between Charles Manson and the Geico Caveman" wasn't quite what I was shooting for.

The truth is, properly maintaining a Beard doesn't need to take any more time, energy or effort than maintaining a bald face. The daily ritual of shaving usually takes more time than the daily maintenance needed for a Beard. To have a healthy Beard, you don't need to--and shouldn't--spend the time to shampoo it every day. Doing so strips it of vital oils and nutrients that are integral to its health. After showering, it takes me less than a minute to apply my Beardsmith Beard Grease™ and groom it to standards that elicit cat calls of "Dude, wicked Beard!". Because the Beard Grease provides all-day hold, I don't need to worry about it the rest of the day. It stays tamed and in shape as it's being conditioned throughout the day. And for those extreme low-maintenance mornings when you want to roll out of bed, throw on a hat and go about your day--Beard Grease is a one-minute, all-day solution to bed Beard.

Of course, growing a great Beard goes beyond the daily maintenance. You need to trim up the strays and line out the cheeks and neck. This indeed can be a bit of a hassle, especially if you want to make sure it looks right. When I do it myself, most times I think I've done quite a fabulous job at setting the lines and shaping the Beard. Most times I am embarrassingly wrong. Even with a mirror, it's more difficult than one would expect to get the full picture and perspective needed to do a clean, symmetrical job. I have a funny thing I like to do to small kids (under about age 6)--I tell them if they turn their head fast enough they can see their ears. Every time I try to clean up my own beard, I feel like the 4-year-old making attempt after attempt to catch the slightest glimpse of his ears. That's where your Beard's best friend, The Beardsmith, comes in. Wendy is a pure craftsman when it comes to keeping your Beard trimmed and shaped. Her passion for the Beard, her knowledge and her skills ensure that it's done right. And you get to pawn the task off to someone else.

You don't have to be "that guy" in order to have a well-maintained, healthy Beard. With surprisingly little care and effort (along with the right product and Beard professional), you can grow a full face of man hair without having your mother compare you to a prehistoric serial killer. And the flannel shirt is optional.